My secret disguise works!

I think I always look like a geek, but apparently my secret disguise is working.

Scene:  The supermarket, Thursday at 1:30 pm
Cast:  Me, Random woman
Setting:  Cereal aisle, Kelloggs section

RW:  Oh my G-d, we are dressed exactly the same (black V-neck tee, khaki shorts, sandals, backpack used as purse, no makeup or jewelry, hair au natural) and we are looking at the same cereal!

Me:  Haha

This would have been an unremarkable encounter, except that Random Woman decided to follow up with various questions ("Do you have kids?", "How many?") to find other amazing similarities (Yes, We Both had Kids.  Yes, We Both Drive Minivans).  It got a little strange.  It wasn't as though we were the only ones dressed that way.

But, it's good to know that I blend in!  I wonder if RW would have been shocked by my true identity...

I've been a chemist too long....

I recently went to the Apple Store.  Since the iPad launched, the Apple Store is much busier.  In the past (pre iPad), you could walk in, find someone in a brightly colored T-shirt, ask your question/buy your product and be on your way.  Now, you have to find the "dude with the iPad" and put your name on a list.  Then you wait until someone in a brightly colored T-shirt (currently bright blue) finds you.  

This gives you ample time to play with the iPads (oh, you evil Apple marketing geniuses), but it's an inconvenience, especially if you want to complete your transaction in less than 15 minutes.

So, I needed to buy a computer, but I didn't want to wait for an available salesgeek.  Surely Apple has something for me.  Yes they do!  You can sign up for a personal shopping appointment.  I discovered this by dropping by the Apple Store and talking to the "dude with the iPad".  He gave me his card because it had the web address for personal shopping appointments.

OK--what does this have to do with being a chemist?

I took the card home and left it on my desk.  When I next looked at it, I was confused.  Under his name, instead of "dude with the iPad" it said "lead specialist".  I read this as the metal lead (chemical symbol Pb, known for its high density and presence in paint made before 1978).

Why, I thought, would Apple have a metal specialist.

Oh, of course, it's lead (leed) rather than lead (led) (the metal).  This is why I've been a chemist too long.

But this just lead (ha) to further confusion.  If someone is a specialist, aren't they unique?  Why would they need a leader?  And if they are not, why call them a specialist?  If they need a leader, wouldn't that be the special-est specialist?

Dude with the iPad is much more descriptive.

Someday, maybe I'll have an iPad of my own.  Until then, I have to hang out at the Apple Store.

Quote, without comment

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"

Lately seen on a bumper sticker

More Parenting Advice from Star Trek

From Captain Janeway, USS Voyager, to Seven of Nine, petulant former Borg(==teenager):

"Around here we have a command structure and I'm the captain!".

Yes, I want my children to think for themselves and not blindly follow authority.  But....my patience for endlessly debating the mundane details of how/when chores are done, or why they can't do something, even if "everyone else's mom lets them" is limited.  By implementing a command structure, I can eliminate the debate (which is generally just a delaying tactic) and move on to Actually Getting Things Done.

So far, this works fairly well.  Since my children don't actually watch Star Trek(gasp!), I've had to do some basic explanation[1], assign ranks[2] and implement some fairly rigid training exercises[3].  I've also gotten some limited buy-in from the love of my life/first officer [4].

Also effective:  A curt "Dismissed" to end pointless debate for which "I'm the captain!" does not apply.

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[1] Basic explanation also includes important information, like never volunteer to beam down to a planet while wearing a red shirt, unless you are a recurring character.

[2] The older two outrank the youngest which made the older two much more enthusiastic about the plan.  The youngest hasn't fully bought into the program, but she isn't fully teen yet, either

[3] Consisting of repeating "I'm the captain!" to any complaints.   If that is unsuccessful, I remind them that "resistance is futile!".

[4] Who is unaware of the limited, um, romantic opportunities of the first officers.  Please don't tell!

Perhaps the only time you will see the Schrodinger equation in a music video

The Outdoors: Geek Woman's Kryptonite

I attempted to clean up the beds around the house but ran into some nasty plants that are not poison ivy, but do exude urushiol, causing the familiar and uncomfortable rash.

I forgot that the outdoors can be a dangerous place for Geek Woman--better for her to stay inside, by the computer!

On secret identities

Occasionally, in the course of conversation, I'll mention that I'm a geek.  Generally, this is to a geek-friendly non-geek (or slight geek).  I don't need to identify myself to other geeks (it's obvious) and I've learned (the hard way) to keep Geek Woman away from interactions with the geek-averse.  The typical response is, "oh, you're not a geek!'

I realize that these people are being kind but, it bugs me.  First, I've worked very hard to be proud of Geek Woman.  Second--c'mon people, how can you say I'm not a geek?

Reason 1:  I'm extroverted.  Geeks, IME, are an introverted lot (this is why research was not a viable career for me--I'm ill-suited to spending hours without conversing with other humans).

Reason 2:  I have passable social skills.  True (also something hard won for me).  I still struggle (especially with gracefully concluding social interactions), but I can get through a PTO meeting (generally) without behaving too inappropriately.  (Many geeks have passable or better social skills, but they tend to get lumped into the "you're not a geek" catagory, so the negative stereotype persists.)

Reason 3:  I'm funny.  !?!?  I just heard this the other day.  Yes, I like to think that I'm funny, but IME, most funny people are somewhere on the geeky spectrum.

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Minivan Mom, my secret identity is starting to take over Geek Woman.  Clearly, I need something to differentiate them.

I did it--I got glasses.  I now need reading glasses most of the time, but swapping them on and off was a pain.  I've always had a very slight distance correction but since it's not enough to affect driving, I've never bothered to fill it.

I got progressive lenses and I'm now attempting to wear glasses all the time.  It's working pretty well.  But the glasses do give me more of a geeky look.

Like so many other things in my life, I got it backward.  I put on my glasses to become Geek Woman and take them off to hide in my secret identity.

Unlike Clark Kent, who gained a forehead curl when he took off his glasses and became Superman, my hair stays exactly the same (curly all over) for either personna.   (The curly hair is a geek indicator, I fear.)